I once told my brother – ‘you can take the girl outta the country, but you can’t take the country outta the girl.’ Amen to that sister!
The girl in question was then none other than moi, in my less-than-ladylike circumstances, which seem to follow me everywhere. Over time I have learned to embrace them even in this posh cruel world called Fashion. Well, little did I know that one day, circa 2016, my country roots and gypsy ways would come in handy. Who’s laughing now little brother? While I still can’t blow my nose like a true cowboy from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, or swear like a sailor (although, THAT is debatable), I can use my sartorial country apparel and join in what seems to be the biggest trend on the planet.
People, brace yourselves. It involves wedgies and crotches. This is not a sitcom, I repeat, this is not a sitcom, nor a 5th grade prank, it’s the JEANS trend courtesy of Levi’s that are making a massive splash.
The Levi’s Wedgie Jeans:
Long story short (it again involves the Kardashian-Jenners, so let’s eyeroll together): a few months ago Kylie Jenner posted an Instagram pic wearing Levi’s new denim hit from above- The Wedgie Jeans – supposed to make your bum look fuller, and plumper, and rounder, and upper, and all the synonyms, AND at the same time stay faithful to the classic denim look. Well… it’s easy to sell butt items when the model in question is one of the K-J’s you know what I mean, nevertheless I went online and the reviews seem to be in favour of the wedge.
So Kylie looked fab in that pic, reviews of these jeans are flying over the internet like flies over horse-shit, every girl is suddenly eager to get that denim up her ass and not only, and Levi’s of course sold out.
So what do these jeans do? They stick up your butt and vajajay apparently, or so it appears according to some reviews, while others say it’s all about the cutting of the design which literally lifts your bum and makes you look slimmer but curvier. Crazier things were done for fashion so no need to act surprised, right?
I do however wish to throw a thought out there, that’s been haunting me for quite a while: somewhere between walking around with a denim wedge right up our asses or our front-row-delight, AND strutting our cowboy crotches a la John-Wayne-does-90s-jeans, we’ve become fonder of the classic cut denim (with a slight twist, see the cropped jeans trend for example). The kind of jeans Cindy Crawford wore back in the day, or Brenda and Kelly from Beverly Hills 90210 in the 90s. They all had front crotches and butt wedges, remember?
The Wedgie Jeans are nothing more and nothing less than a classic version of the cowboy/cowgirl look. I suddenly feel victorious. Do you hear the background music as well? No?
What we did, courtesy of fashion, is to just nip and tuck them a little bit, OR if you’re the romantic type we married the mom jeans to the crotch jeans trend and in 2016 we’re wearing their baby: The Wedgie Jeans. Yay!
I’m really happy this is happening to be honest, but I can’t help wonder: have we had enough of skinny jeans and boyfriend jeans? Are we really ready to let go?
Personally I’m so over skinnies, and so bored with them, YET I find myself gravitating only towards them for reasons that have to do with body-image issues. They make me look slimmer, they keep it all together, they lift, they tuck. Not that I need to of course. But, on fat days (which occur more often than not lately) they are true bliss.
The classic denim – aka mom jeans, crotch style, wedgie jeans – cannot do that, unless you look flawless and then it’s like, thank you but I don’t really see the point. OR… unless you go a size up, so that they’ll look somewhere between skinnies and boyfriend jeans, and make that front crotch, that bum wedge, and all the cool denim creases here and there.
Yep. It’s all about the denim creases these days, about the crotch, and the wedgie, and the effortless vibes, and the cool cowboy music in the air, while all the while sporting a Kylie butt and Kendall skinny legs. Aham. Good luck with that.
What is wrong with the world?
And now if you’ll excuse me I’ll go finish my pizza, and pour my fabulousness into some classic denim, a size bigger.