Judging by the red carpet excitement I woke up with this morning, you might as well have presumed that hell has frozen over. Or I bumped my head or something. Although I’ve no recollection of the latter, who the hell knows what’s going on at night. Actually the bump would explain why I so eagerly awaited for the 2014 Met Gala Red Carpet, when in fact I usually hate red carpet posts. Watching the shows and looking at the pics… well, that’s a different story. Who the hell doesn’t wanna play fashion police with their friends and destroy celebs as if pffff they’re so last Tuesday for not dressing the way you expected them to?
Also, it kinda feels like it’s been a while since a proper red carpet happened, and this one, well… was worth the wait, let me just say that. The biggest night in fashion was definitely marked by super high highs and oh some nasty lows. Worst Dressed at The 2014 Met Gala
I mean, PEOPLE, (1) it’s bloody fashion, not rocket science, and (2) are you not suppose to have stylists when you’re saaay – Solange? Or Margot Robbie? And LUPITA!!!! what were you thinking? Why? The same emptiness must have been going through the Olson‘s minds (all three of ’em), and Shailene Woodley & Kristen Stewart. Crissy Teigen‘s boob had its own moment. Quite surprisingly it managed to outstage that ruffled peacock neck.
Don’t. Even. Get me started. On Lena Dunham. I will not even dignify her dress with a capital-letter wtf. I get she’s like trying to be quirky and not give a shit about what she looks like, or what the world thinks of her, cause all this can’t-be-bothered-thing is so blase, it’s cool, but really stop it. Or just go all the way on this infatuation and don’t bother waxing, shaving, perfuming, or washing all together. That’ll put you on a quirky pedestal. Oh wait. You can’t do that, cause actually you do care. So. Cut the fucking bullshit and man up to your status. Learn how to pose, listen to the stylists, and cover your fucking arms and upper body. Yes I just said that. Y’all can hate me now, but the girl looks bad in all these strapless things she’s wearing. 1. She can’t pose for shit. 2. A different dress shape would do wonders on her (cap sleeves, cinged at the waist, long, forget bloody ruffles and girly details, you’re fucking 20, not 12.) And do something about your hair. Other than that, I love her. And I think she’s brilliant. Somebody just needs to tell her it’s okay to wanna look pretty.
Well, if there’s one other thing this rant has guaranteed (besides haters) it’s that Taylor Swift is off the hook today. Yeah, yeah. She looked great. Hate the hair though. Did somebody say glam-granny? And if you think these were bad, wait till you see Kate Upton. What in God’s name is that? Didn’t anyone tell her Met Gala is not Costume Freak Show. (well, it is a little bit, but not literally). Clearly, she was at the wrong party. Great laugh though. Thanks Kate. Better luck next time maybe. If not, we’ll still love you. Ooopsy, looks like the post’s started off on the Worst Dressed list, so why not give in to the impulse, and continue. Rita Ora is one hot beautiful woman, no argue there, and when she nails it, boy she stuns. Not the case last night. Beautiful she looked, loved her hair and makeup, but that dress was hideous: gladiator bride broke an arm and came to a party a little too late. Could’ve worked sans le Xena the warrior princess boots, lose the arm bandage, and that white bridezilla tulle. And Naomi Campbell, we get that you’ll never age and will always be gorgeous, but that dress? No. No. No. What the fuck was she thinking with those feathers? I have an idea. It rhymes with ‘brushing’. Other girls I didn’t quite like were: Alexa Chung (hated the dress and I’m too bored with the same hair and makeup. I know, why fix it if it ain’t broken, but do something different. At least once a year. You are considered a style icon, after all.), Karlie Kloss (too bloody matronly, with a glam granny hair), Hayden Pannattiere (she was okay, I’m just not too sold on these massive ball gowns, that SJP was doing as well, hence my meh comment for her too.) Sorry. Karolina Kurkova looked like she could sting somebody with that dress, while Reese Witherspoon looked like a very very very very sweet desert. Cheap candy, more like it. Loved the silhouette, hated that I-just-threw-up-in-my-mouth pink and her hair. Best Dressed at 2014 Met Gala
Saving the best for last, I swear – the best – was by far the best red carpet I’ve seen in a while. That, or I really must’ve bumped my head or something. Assuming it’s the first situation I’ve got a top 3 favorite, without any particular order, just cause for the past 3 hours, they kept switching between themselves, so I’m just throwing my faves out there as they come.
Emma Stone was ravishing in that bright/pale pink dress (well, crop top and high slit skirt). The hair and makeup were pure perfection with the whole look. Loved. It. Rihanna! She always nails it and I’m always the most excited to see what she’s gonna rock. She is my girl crush after all. Following the same design pattern as Emma, only edgier (doh) and sexier (no surprise there either) she looked absofuckinglutely stunning. Loved the white combo against her skin, loved the mermaid skirt and the long sleeve super crop top with those glam details around the neck. The hair… not my fave. I would’ve gone for a more sleek hairstyle. Also, did you see her dress at the after party? Dayum. If there’s a woman who’s got perfection and elegance in her bones that’s gotta be Charlize Theron. Oh. My. God. That dress was amazing and the way she chose to wear her tuxedo jacket as a shawl/cape – perfection! That’s how you do it. And although this time Beyonce looked soooo good (was about time), I’m still sticking to my 1st impression: somebody’s copying Rihanna’s bedroom-red-carpet-white-dress-look. Just saying. Other than that Bey looked smashing hot: makeup, hair, veil LOVED them all. Even Kim Kardashian looked so good this year. ;) Also loved Jessica Alba, Kate Mara, Cara Delevingne, Olivia Munn, and the beautiful Blake Lively who just gave the whole world a lesson on how to do old-Hollywood-style in a fabulous way. … aaaaand that’s a wrap. Who was your best and worst?