If the whole red carpet thing had been about nailing best and worst both in one look, a few of the actresses would have been in big trouble, I tell you. Not Marion Cotillard though. She did what I never thought could be done. She wore a dress so incredibly beautiful through its elegance and simplicity that I instantly said, right then and there, the very night of the Oscars 2015, ‘Dayum, she’s my favourite. Amen bitches!’ But then she turned. What in the name of God is that?
A bow wrapped beneath her butt? Oh wait a minute, the haute couture diaper look is in. Ohhhh I get it. Tssk, tssk, tssk, shame on you. I mean me.
Other than that I’m in a good mood today as I’m going through the photos and striving, YES striving for the last mean slash bitchy bone in my body, and honestly I can’t find it. For the sake of a funny but nonetheless accurate red carpet post.
On Sunday night I was very little impressed with all the gowns, as if at this point I’m jaded of all the glitz and glam that could leave an AH moment in my heart. Sad. So so sad. That’s what happens if you give an idiot a glamorous treatment for years. Thank God I’m neither rich nor famous, or you’d all have to take me down.
But then… I sat on the Oscars 2015 red carpet event for days in a row, and what do you say what do you know? With the exception of really just a few dresses, I actually think most of them were great. A few were out of this world AMAZING: Emma Stone!!! Everyone get up, sing, clap your hands and say your Amens. This was was beyond stunning! Jennifer Lopez is THE FUCKING QUEEN of red carpet and that’s that. Jamie Chung was beautiful. Rosamund Pike I liked, Giuliana Rancinc was STUNNING, and the rest… well they were gorgeous, but the talk about this red carpet is not really about best and worst, but rather about BEST and WORST ILL FITTED gowns. I mean, what?! Were they not aware the Oscars were happening this year, they had no time to sew and stitch? Looked like it.
Cause those I chose worse, were actually not that bad, but were incredibly ill fitted.
So let’s get out hands dirty and let the photos and comments roll.
OSCARS 2015 RED CARPET – BEST DRESSED
Feels like each actress chose to do her thing and stick to her red carpet recipe. Jennifer Lopez went for an over the top, incredibly elegant and glamorous gown, so ethereal yet sexy and extravagant in a very refined way she made quite an appearance. Her hair I liked not so much, but she stunned. And stunned, and stunned in both her gowns. The one she wore at the Oscars Party was a serious case of Oh. My. God., resembling that over the top extravagant old Hollywood glam with the sequins, and the beads, and the low cut, and the fur. Perfection.
Rosamund Pike went for a classic design and made a statement with the red of the dress and the beautiful details. Jennifer Aniston chose a white-nude-pale gown, simple, classic and effortlessly sexy.
Sienna Miller was probably one of my favourites as well. I loved everything about that dress and look, and how easily she wears a glamorous elegant gown. Black, classic, and so very beautiful.
Giuliana Rancinc looked gorgeous. Flawless from her hair to her makeup to her insane dress. Loved the colour, loved the details, the cut, and she oozed such beauty and confidence it was crystal clear she loved the look herself.
Jamie Chung was a real-life-doll. In a good way. Loved her princessy style dress and how she chose to keep her hair and makeup natural. Simply beautiful. Naomi Watts ALWAYS nails it on the red carpet, cause she always keeps it simple. Simple cut, simple design, perfect natural hair and makeup, and just a tiny edge with the dress’s cut, and a bit of glam with its fabric. LOVE.
Margot Robbie chose a very dramatic look that screamed Angelia Jolie style, but she nailed it big. At least I like it. Actually it grew on me. I found it so stunning, and such a red carpet classic statement that I eventually fell in love with it. The low cut, the flawy fabric, the hair, the beautiful makeup were so old Hollywood with just a tad of 70s it was stunning.
Reese Witherspoon was… a very proper, but beautiful prom queen. I mean, I’m not sold on the dress, but she looks so good in it I can’t put it in worst, nor ill fitted. The hair I did not like at all. Nor those black stripes, nor the shoulder design. But she rocked it. Pure simplicity.
Jenna Dewan Tatum looked stunning in that white super glamorous dress. I mean she went for the glam-classic-recipe. Low cut, white gown, a bit of skin (well… a bit more) and nailed it. Great hair, great make up, great jewellery, great arm candy. Ka-Channing!
Chrissy Teigen loves white a bit too much, but again why fix it if it ain’t broken. Low-cut, checked. High-slit, check, long beautiful hair, checked, white, actually very pale blue dress, checked, blingy and sparkly, and glamorous and hot, checked, checked, checked.
Dakota Johnnson and her mom, Melannie Griffith were simply beautiful. 50s shades of crap aside, one thing about Dakota that’s clear is that RED is her colour. The dress I loved, but wash’t too crazy on the one shoulder thing. Other than that I kinda liked her, and coming with her mom on the red carpet was such an Aww moment.
Lupita Nyong’o dress AT THE PARTY (attention) was stunning. That’s a simple but glamorous moment. LOVED it.
And now… you will kill me BUT I actually thought Rita Ora‘s dressES had such WOW qualities. Or maybe it’s just her new hair and makeup, but I am loving this girl’s over the top red carpet choices. Yes, the party dress, in which she was practically naked was an invitation to staring, and admiring, and hating, and loving at the same time, BUT, let’s just admit it, and choke on our hate, she was beautiful and damn HOT.
Zoe Saldana almost slipped my mind – while I wasn’t blown away by the dress, she’s one gorgeous woman who’d make a paper bag look great. The dress was beautiful but it could have used a bit more va-va-voom.
OSCARS 2015 RED CARPET – WORST/ILL FITTED DRESSED
While I am very much aware of Giuliana’s massive faux-pas-mean comment about Zendaya’s hair, which I thought looked fantastic, I cannot put her dress however into the best dressed, because it was simply not a great dress. Except for her beautiful makeup and hair, there was nothing great about that gown. Poor fabric, that looked cheap, the draping was unnecessary and did her amazing thin frame little justice. I mean if you’re gonna style a girl like Zendaya play up her fab gorgeous body with a stunning cut and design dress. Not a night gown. Not at the Oscars for God’s sake.
America Ferrera… you are not ugly Betty, you are one beautiful woman, so stop choosing clothes that do you no justice. From the waist down the dress was great, but the ill-fitted upper part, was horrible, and I’m not even sure about that green on her, which is ridiculous cause she’s a woman that I think can pretty much get away with any dress colour, so choosing one that looks meh on her was such a long shot. But she did it.
Lady Gaga… was lady gaga all right. While the dress was not ugly, it’s not what I would have chosen for her. She seemed to get a bit lost in that gown. Robocop meets The Three Musketeers and both (or all four) go to the Oscars.
Wasn’t too crazy about Kelly Osbourne‘s dress and that made me really really really sad. Insert crying emoji here.
And signing my death sentence here… drumrolls please… Lupita Nyong’o‘s dress was a bit wrong. The beading was beautiful, the cut was amazing, her face was flawless as always, but I just thought it was ill fitted around her neck and her waist. Too bulgy, too beady. I would have loved the halter neck part to be more dainty and not so heavy, and the waist to look more defined.
Same goes for Julianne Moore. I mean from all the nights and red carpets she looked the least wow at the 2015 Oscars. Those 3 stripes were so so wrong on that dress, or at least the placement they had did her body little justice. Or maybe its just me, who the hell knows anymore.
Lorelay Linklater must have read the red carpet memo/dress code wrong. Seriously, was she going for a witchy look, for a boho chic? What the hell was she going for? The door. That’s what she should have gone for. Or a better dress. A simple red dress would have looked stunning on her.
Jessica Chastain looked so matronly. Beautiful, but so matronly and serious, not in a good way. What the fuck was up with the upper part of that dress? It’s like she couldn’t make up her mind: ‘I’ll go for a sequin dress, or maybe a draped one, or maybe a flowy one. Ah what the hell, I’ll do all of them, and while I’m at it, slap the ugliest pair of shoes on and make a mess out of the biggest red carpet event of the year. Yay!’
Keyra Knightely... I’m not even gonna bother. I’d dress better with my eyes closed, and she continues to miss it with her eyes wide open, and all the best designers and stylists at her feet. But then again… maybe it was just me.
I was also a bit disappointed in Kerry Washington‘s dress. Peplum? Please. Just stop already with the peplum. We’ve all had enough of this. We get it, it’s refined. (Personally I don’t get all the hype around peplum.) Also I thought it was a bit ill fitted and the upper part was too disproportionate from the lower part, but y’all love peplum so if you’ll excuse me, I’m just gonna go hit my head into the wall right now, and get some sense into me.
And then… there were the models at the Oscars Party. We get it. You are Goddesses with flawless skin, and legs, and bums, and arms, and faces, and thighs, and everything in between, but you might have as well showed up in your birthday suits. Actually it wasn’t even about showing up half naked and going commando, I mean I go naked on the streets all day and us girls have stopped using underwear since 1950’s so… You see what I mean?
Seriously though, Irina Shayk what the hell was going through your mind? Or those 3 other lassies for that matter? ‘Oh look we got invited to the Oscars!!! Yay, let’s jump into a circle and wear black witches uniforms. Wouldn’t that be cool?’ ‘Yessss!!!’ Giggled the other 2 in an overly excited chorus.
Gwyneth Paltrow probably tried a bit too much to look like a real-size chicken. At least she nailed that! yay. Patricia Arquette... what the fuck? I’m usually not a fan of 2 toned dresses, and never in black and white, cause I always think they look so waitress-attire, and penguin-on-a-loose. Well, I’m right.
Felicity Jones, why didn’t you get the big one? (dress)
Behati Prinsloo… not feeling that dress at all, while she looks stunning, that necklace killed it. In a bad way. It was a necklace that I thought ruined it for Scarlett Johannsen as well… or maybe that hair, or that colour. Don’t know what it was but she kinda looked like she swallowed a broom stick. In a bad colour.
- I am usually more wrong than right.
- I might be overdosing on red carpets right now, cause I feel like I bumped my head and was left jaded of all that usually impresses people.
- It’s just clothes and dresses, and actors are just humans, who’s jobs are to act, not to please our eyes in overly expensive gowns.
- Thank God the red carpet season is done, otherwise I’d have gone off the rail. Legit off the rail.
Oh wait a minute. I’ve been off the rail for a long time… ah well… See ya!!!