If your current residence is Earth, you might be familiar with the saying ‘money does not buy happiness’. Well, yeah, but at least you can be sad and stylish, right? WRONG. After last night’s Emmy’s red carpet I have doubts about… everything. We’re talking the biggest celebrities on the planet here, with access to the biggest fashions, the most beautiful gowns, the top notch designers, stylists, the creme de la creme. Above us mortals.
So what the fuck happened? It honestly seemed like half the lot over at 2015 Emmys Red Carpet dressed in the dark, and the other half went for a Cookies and Cakes inspired theme from the 80s. Tons of pink. Lots of pink. Massive amount of pink. No, I am not listing thesaurus here, just trying to make a point. So… there was pink. Oooooooookay. Except for a few pink dresses that nailed it, such as Elizabeth Moss’s, which was STUNNING… the rest were just mirros of sartorial confusion meets cupckes party. Not a fan.
I always say – when in doubt go for black. When you don’t know what to do style wise, do simplicity. THAT can never go wrong. So of course, those who did listen to my advice landed on the best dressed list. You’re welcome, you hear me?
As you might be able to tell from the above I wasn’t that impressed with the red carpet at the Emmys 2015. But then again, I’m very very very hard to impress these days. Ah well… I can be a bitch at times, so imma just roll with that. Staying on the same page, I will also be NOT keeping my bad mouth shut. Heads up for those faint hearted people.
The thing is… I have waited every year for ‘Game of Thrones’, or ‘Mad Men’ to win. And I was left with the waiting. Now… after billions of waiting moments, they win. Go figure, when the last season of GOT wasn’t even that good. Anyway. As much as I’m a film geek we’ll talk gowns tonight.
At first sight of the pics I wanted to put everyone into the worst dressed list. It was like a bloody circus. Then I watched E! and some of the dresses looked better alive. Of course though, as any event has it, this one too had its best. Let’s have some fun and talk the talk ladies and gents.
EMMYS 2015 RED CARPET: BEST DRESSED.
The winner hands down is Sarah Hyland in that gorgeous dress. It was her fashion moment. Simplicity and elegance at their best. Loved the mermaid design, loved the back, the colour, her messy bob, no overdoing on jewellery. Perfection. Lady Gaga people owned it! THAT was such a beautiful moment of a real star on the red carpet. Toned down, simple black dress, perfect retro hair, perfect makeup and the sight of her tats, made this whole look one of my fave. Old Hollywwod glamour.
Giuliana Rancic – BEAUTIFUL. So so delicate and very feiminie, the dress was amazing. Loved the dusted pink, the sheer, the sequins, beads, and luxurious but understated glamour. It was gorgeous. Natural wavy hair, rings on all fingers – she looked so beautiful.
Aubrey Plaza I also really liked for that 70s incredibly natural diva thing going on. LOVED that dress: plunging neckline, high slit, great hair. A bit unfitted in the upper part, but its 70s vibe and simplicity made up. Christine Marzano, DAYUMN woman. Sexy on another level. For a person (moi) who does not like blue, and hates turtleneck dresses, I sure loved this one. It could have gone wrong, but her body is amazing, her natural hair and makeup helped, and the dress – say what you will – was pretty amazing.
Taraji P-Henson LOVE LOVE LOVE. Now her Alexander Wang dress had a lot going on: cut-out, chains, sheer – which normally together would’t work out, but she did it. And I really loved how effortless she made that dress look on her. Great hair, great makeup. Nailing it in black gowns was Amanda Peet. The cutout of the dress was just a touch of edge and high-fashion. The red lips were perfect on her for the whole look.
In STUNNING on another level, Padma Lakshmi shut the front door! Who the hell looks soooo freaking good at 45? She’s clearly an alien. Can’t get over how stunning and beautiful she looks, and how she pulled off a great colour dress, with an uber uber uber sexy design.
Laverne Cox oozes sex-appeal ok, so whatever you put her in she’s not gonna look bad. I loved the dress, the cut, the back, but I wasn’t too sold on the colour, nor on the upper part – that halter neck wasn’t my thing. She looked great though.
Tatiana Maslany… tuxedo alert. LOVE this for the whole tuxedo and nothing underneath look I’ve been preaching since forever. The pants were a bit too unfitted in the crotch area, but imma say yes to this for the sake of the whole look. Perfect hair and makeup.
Julia Louis Dreyfus I adored, she looked like a movie star, with such elegance and glamour, but also a certain kind of effortlessness. Julie Bowen, Amy Poehler and Julianne Hough went for black as well, and were style winners.
Elizabeth Moss had a a great fashion moment in pink. Absolutely stunning on her. Jessica Pare – beautiful! I so loved that dress, and how the fabric fell and hugged her – perfection. Samira Wiley‘s dress was great, BUT her hair and makeup were a bit too un-done for this look. But the dress, I loved.
And the list continues with Sofia Vergara, who of course looks hot and best dressed, but I’m so bored already with what she’s doing on the red carpet. At least drop the bloody earrings, and do something else with your hair. However, she could wear a garbage bag and still land on the best dressed list. She’s got it.
Kerry Washington – now I debated a lot on that dress, which is a great Marc Jacobs dress, but in photos I was like nah, this is bad, then I saw her on E! and I really really liked it. I’m still in doubt though as to whether or not it’s Emmy appropriate, but since it’s not a bad look, imma leave it here.
And the rest of the best dressed faces according to moi are…
2015 EMMYS RED CARPET: WORST DRESSED
Ok, how much time you got? Cause it seems to me a lot of celebs landed on this list this year, it’s like they all lost some bet or something. I don’t get it. They’re supposed to have the best stylists out there. And even if that doesn’t work out, don’t they have a mirror? Don’t they look into it? Claire Danes, you broke my heart. You are my #1 hero and fave actress… what the fuck were you thinking? The idea of the dress – rocknroll and everything – is great, but you looked like a sad eggplant in it. Loved the colour, loved the chains, loved the fabric – but it was a bad fit. The hair didn’t help too much. I am crying right now.
Laura Prepon... everyone might have loved this look, but I thought it was wrong on all levels. The dress would have been great without that tiny golden cape, but even so… with that makeup and hair… no no no. Too harsh. We know you are bad ass, but seriously?!
Renee Bargh was very confused. She was lost somewhere between Xena the warrior princess and Miss Goody Two shoes with a case of sore throat. What the hell is up with that dress strap around your neck?
Porsha Williams… such a pity. What did you think this was an 80s prom? Okay if that was the case you win, but it wasn’t. June Ambrose – horrible. That dress was wrong from the colour to that long torso design, which I personally can’t stand.
Anybody lose a pink wedding cake? Ohhhhh… that was a person! Oopsy, I am so sorry Joanna Newsom. I thought you were some giant desert walking in. My bad. My bad. Seriously though, what could possibly go through your head when you choose such a dress? What about it makes you wanna scream and say: Ah this is what I want to wear? I genuinely think some of these poor suckers lost a bet. I refuse to think they’re that oblivious of a common definition of style. Or just pretty. Forget style. Dressing for a nice event basically means looking pretty. THIS is not pretty. Unless you dress in the dark.
Oh my God and don’t get me started on that chicken out on the loose. My gawwwwd! And she looked so happy, poor thing, bless her. Heidi Klum… I don’t know whether to feel pity or just let my bad mouth run wild. YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING CHICKEN. In human size. Poor thing (the chicken) decided to show up at the Emmys, and was so excited it didn’t know whether or not to pick sheer, feathers, straps, sleeves – so the idiot went for all of the above. What I want to know is, where was Heidi when the chicken took over? So many years of fashion and style down the drain.
Jamie Alexander... everyone remain calm. It’s just my opinion. I did not like it. And frankly I don’t know what everyone was so in awe about with this look. I thought it was bad looking. Harsh. Heavy. She is beautiful but I ain’t feeling this whole sequins glitter thing at all.
Teyonah Parris… awww you thought this was an 80s prom as well?! How sweet. Only… IT WASN’T. So listen, the dress was beautiful, I loved the bottom part. The upper part and the polka dots ruined it. Polka dots are nice and all, very fashion’y, but they’re not red carpet worthy. Unless of course you want to look like a little girl at a grown up event. And that hair! You could have done anything else with that hair. Oh. Oh. Oh. I forgot, you got stuck in the 80s.
Nazanin Boniadi basically showed up in a white curtain. Ah well, better than naked I guess. I wasn’t too sold on Christina Hendricks dress either. Too armour’y. Morena Baccarin is beautiful but something was off with that dress. Morticia alert with Taryn Manning. Sarah Paulson… nah. I’ll pass. I’m not a fan of that shoulder cut dress with a sleek hairstyle. Not at all. Naomi Grossman… I am deeply sighing right now. Like, what is that? Disco ball, 60s, vinyl, sexy, all-gone wrong? What were you thinking?
I guess a whole lotta nothing went through a whole lotta heads at the Emmys this year. Fashion wise.
Peace out people, and don’t let my bad mouth fool ya. I’m the biggest idiot of them all.