Such a big question mark does force one indeed to take a close and brutally honest look at themselves. To confront and not run away from the mirror that always stays with us, weather we like it or not… And I am not talking about physique, which can alter or improve in time, hide, conceal, cheat from underneath expensive designer sometimes so shallow cloaks, meant to keep people away from your true self. So let’s plunge in this scary exercise of analyzing myself. Who I am. How I am. Do I know?
I like to believe I am a good person, who grew so much in the past 3 years of my life, now proud to be walking the path I chose with passion, conviction, love, and heartbreaking experiences. My life. I am happier, wiser and more mature, without ever losing my so very young spirit and crazy heart. I still love to party ’till morning (of course with a bigger price to pay for those sleepless nights), sing and dance like nobody’s watching, forget that diet and indulge in some of my favorite sins: pastas and pizzas, just because I feel like it, don’t answer phone calls, runaway for the weekend with my boyfriend and live on love, chocolate and wine.
I have to remember I am smart, confident and there is nothing I cannot achieve. I always promise myself never to let bad days or bad people get to me… Now here’s something I can work on! But other than that, I almost sound perfect, were it not for the usual faults that make each and every one of us unique and special. And no, I won’t mention them as I like to leave room for mystery and linger some more in this illusion of perfection, hoping they’ll surface as little as possible. Yes, I am a bit of a dreamer. And I tend to joke a lot, according to my friends who love to have me around for laughs, for singing at parties, for walks around town, for long evenings of talks and thrilling philosophies on life.
But the question still lingers. How do I look? To others? To Romania I look brave, confident, smart, talented, following my dream, like those movie characters who really get it all worked out and get their happy endings. To London, for now, I look small, just an ‘if’ or ‘wannabe’ in bad clothes, scared look and big dreams in my pockets. To me I look all the above and so much more. And as I long as I keep my head up, dust myself off every time I fall, and remember who I am, the obstacles I encounter are mere challenges of my happy fulfilled life.